Jealousy
by ILikeScarvesAndGuitars
Summary: Jealousy. Just another eight letter word. But for Mark, it meant so much more.


**A/N: After messaging SiriusLovesRent about the both of us not writing anything, I figured I might as well give this a try. I hardly recognize names on the Rent fiction page anymore. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not! Anyway, some Mark drama here. I enjoy reading it, really. And I hope you all enjoy this too :) R&R and all that good stuff!**  
**Disclaimer: I own all.  
****Kidding. ****

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And there they were.

They were kissing.

Well about to kiss.

I can tell when Maureen wants to kiss somebody…which happens every time she spots somebody, male or female, wearing tight jeans walking down the street.

But the look was still the same.

Eyes wide, lips plump. Tossing her hair to the side. Exactly what she was doing now.

Wait for it…wait for it…annnnnd…there. It happened. She did it. She kissed a girl. She liked it. Liked was a weak word. **Loved** it. She loved it.

I hated watching them. I really really fucking hated watching them together. I hated Joanne. Well, no, I didn't hate Joanne. I couldn't hate Joanne. Joanne didn't do anything to me.

I hated Maureen.

Ugh who was I kidding?

I don't hate Maureen.

I just hate the girl-kissing Maureen.

And I hate the look Joanne gives every time she catches me staring at them after they kiss.

I must look perverted.

Ugh and now she's giving me that look.

Look away, Mark, look away.

Look at Collins who is sitting directly across from you. There we…go.

Fuck. He's making out with Angel. Great. Just great. Everywhere I look somebody is swapping somebody else's saliva

Alright, don't stare too long at Angel and Collins. One of them is gonna notice. Look around…sip your coffee…stare at the customers of the café. Look down at your drink. Now look up.

Angel and Collins are both still at it.

Okay, this is okay. Look at…Roger! Roger had to be around here somewhere…oh wouldn't you know.

Mimi's on his lap. She's whispering into his ear. He's grinning. Lovely.

I let out a short breath and then a long sigh. I could hear heavy breathing coming from Maureen and Joanne, a little moaning from Angel and Collins and some flirtatious giggling from Mimi. This was just excellent.

This is what happened every single time we went out together. It would eventually end, but it would replay in my mind night after night. Day after day.

For the longest time I tried to find a word for what I felt.

It wasn't anger, it was loneliness, it wasn't bitterness, it wasn't anything like that.

And then I finally fell upon it.

It was jealousy. I hated the word. I really did. It was meant for people with ugly minds and pathetic personalities.

But I had it. I was jealous. I was jealous of Angel, I was jealous of Collins, I was jealous of Maureen, I was jealous of Joanne. I was jealous of Mimi and extremely jealous of Roger. It was so childish. It was completely childish. Immature. Wrong. Stupid.

It was a cliché. A jealous ex-boyfriend. A jealous best friend. A jealous single person living a mundane life.

Yet I fell into its trap. And I disliked it amounts I couldn't even begin to describe.

I didn't understand how such a thing could get to me. My friends were happy, right? That's all I should care about.

They had joy. Sometimes, without them knowing, they would spread the joy to me. But the jealousy creped up. It was ugly. It filled my brain. The jealousy lacked any learning experience for me. Could one learn from such a thing? I would think not. Yet they say you learn from every experience. This was not one of them. No, it was not.

But, as much as I tried, I didn't let it show. I wouldn't succumb to it. I wouldn't let myself look sad and broken in front of my friends. I didn't want their pity. I didn't want to hear "I'm sorry, Mark. You will find a person, I promise." Promises didn't work for me. They never did.

Maureen promised. She broke it. Simple as that. Said and done.

But I had to live. I had to keep going. I could not regret. I could never regret.

Slowly, and when I say slowly I mean_ very_ slowly, I started to ignore the kisses between Maureen and Joanne. I tried as hard as I could to enjoy the amount of happiness Collins and Angel shared. And most of all, I let the love between Roger and Mimi give me some hope. Some hope for myself.

Maybe someday, somewhere, maybe not here, would a beautiful stranger walk into my life.

And never, _ever _leave.

Jealousy still lives here. In my heart. In my mind. In my actions. And in my words.

But I wouldn't be the poster child for it. I was the witness. Not the victim.


End file.
